Friday, October 22, 2010

"To Thine Own Self Be True"

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

The always amazing Kelle Hampton has a great post featuring these beautiful and wise words from Shakespeare. What seems like such a simple and easy concept is one of the most difficult for most people.

Why does it always seem we want to be someone we are not. Its the classic "keeping up with the Jones" that most people face on some level. But as I approach my 35th birthday I question myself - why am I not good enough just the way I am.

Being the mother of a daughter I worry that I will impart my insecurities upon her. I don't want her to feel that her life if ruined without the "right jeans" or the "cool watch." But I have to question how I can instill in her a sense of self worth and pride when I still don't have that myself.

Earlier this year I made a conscious effort at eliminating so called "toxic people" from my life. I decided that if people didn't like me and want to be friends with my for who I am, why should I try to be their friend. I have long felt like that 5th grader I once was, few friends, trying to be cool, peering in at the group from the outside. I felt like I was compromising who I was as a person and more importantly as a parent to be their friend. While my datebook may not be filled up with play-dates and outings, I also no longer have that crushed ego when they don't call, or cancel at the last minute or in general dismiss me.

Its also not a secret that my weight has been a constant battle for me. One I have been fighting for over 20 years. I am weary of the fight, and feel that to a certain degree the weight I carry is the heaviness in my heart. The lack of self-esteem weighing on me, bringing me down.

I am good enough.
I am smart.
I am creative.
I am funny.
I am a good teacher.
I am good at applying makeup.
I am a great parent.
I am a good wife.

The question begs to be asked, why is was it so hard for me to write those things about myself? They are true, but why is the truth so hard to face?

I must be true to myself, starting today.

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